


I Kissed a Girl

by montmorency



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-16
Updated: 2011-07-16
Packaged: 2017-10-21 10:51:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/224373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/montmorency/pseuds/montmorency
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam is a single dad and kind of clueless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Kissed a Girl

**Author's Note:**

> This is comment-fic that came about from a prompt on the glam_kink @ livejournal: _"Lots of fics out there have Adam meeting and falling in love with a single father. This time, though, I want the person with the child from a previous relationship to be Adam. Perhaps he and the other father broke up, perhaps the other father died, perhaps a friend died and Adam got custody of the child, or, hell, you can even go with mpreg, if you'd like--whatever. I just wanna see Adam as the single dad this time."_

“Oh my god!” shrieks Adam. “I fucked a girl!”

Neil grabs Adam by the shoulders and shakes him like a rag doll. “You pig! Why do you have to one-up me in everything!? You know I haven’t been laid in months!”

“Huh? No,” Adam says, mystified. “I was smashed. It just seemed like something I might as well try once.”

“Would you leave the straight chicks for me, bastard?” Neil continues.

“I’m pretty sure she’s a lesbian. She said she’s into new experiences or something like that.”

Through some backtracking from the previous night’s clubbing, they locate Amy, who is nearly as freaked out as Adam. But they chalk it up to curiosity and go their separate ways. In two months she texts Adam that she’s pregnant. And wants the new experience of childbearing, but not child-rearing.

“Mom,” Adam says miserably, “now what?”

Leila raised her boys to be responsible, and she is ready to slap that into him if necessary, so seven months later, Amy hands over a tiny, perfectly healthy infant. “I get visitation rights anytime and every time I want, got that?”

Adam nods helplessly and takes the baby home. Leila has already outfitted the spare bedroom as a nursery and stocked the kitchen with all the necessary supplies. “Adam, I want to be a grandmother, not a mom changing diapers. Between you and Neil, I’m done with poop. I’m going to show you how to do it just once, so pay attention.”

She leaves her tattered old copy of Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care behind. “Here’s the instruction manual. Be sure to read it.”

Adam’s afraid to be alone with the baby. None of his friends with kids is in the market for a spare child, and none of his single friends is interested in co-parenting. His current squeeze, not a particularly committed type, heads for the hills.

Finally Tommy takes pity on him and moves into Adam’s guest bedroom. “I’m gonna suck at this,” he announces, but since Adam already sucks at it, how much worse can Tommy be?

Turns out Tommy’s pretty good at it. He goes to bed way late and sleeps lightly, so he winds up doing more than his fair share of nighttime feeding rituals. Adam is weirdly enchanted when he hears Tommy shuffling down the hallway at 4 a.m. muttering “Fucking noisy birds” to himself. Often Adam gets up, too, and they sit together on the sofa, a blanket tucked around them while Tommy holds the bottle and coos, “Hello, my little guitar goddess. Imma teach you to shred just like Hetfield and Beck, yes I am.”

Sometimes the baby falls asleep in Tommy’s arms and then Tommy falls asleep on Adam’s shoulder, and Adam pulls the nipple out of the baby’s mouth very gently and then just sits there until daylight, letting the two of them sleep.

“You really need to give her a name,” Tommy says after a month or so.

The birth certificate says Amy Jr. but that doesn’t suit Adam. He’s torn, though. Names are important and he doesn’t want to get it wrong. So they keep calling her baby and pumpkin and sweetie-pie and chipmunk cheeks.

“God damn it,” Tommy says one day. “I need some sex. This baby is such a cockblocker.”

Adam chuckles. “Babies are supposed to be chick magnets.”

“Like I ever am outside with her. I’m always in here, changing smelly diapers or warming up formula or doing the frickin’ laundry,” Tommy grouses.

“Why don’t you come along next time I take her out in the stroller?”

Tommy rolls his eyes. “Right, that’ll work. People will assume we’re a gay couple.”

Adam smiles and smacks a wet kiss right on Tommy’s cheek. “You make a great wife,” he says.

“Fuck you,” Tommy says mildly, wiping off the kiss. “I am never getting laid again,” he sighs dramatically.

That night Adam shows up in the guest bedroom, shadowed in the dark doorway.

“Are you perving on me, fucker?” Tommy asks from the bed.

“Depends,” answers Adam. “Are you into new experiences?”

“Could be. Whadaya got in mind?”

“All sorts of things,” Adam says slyly, sauntering into the room.

“You’re all talk, big boy,” says Tommy.

So Adam proves him both right and wrong.

“Do you think Nico is a good name for a guitar goddess?” Adam asks a few mornings later, watching as Tommy rocks the baby to sleep in the big rocking chair that his dad got him as a baby shower gift.

Tommy smiles and leans his cheek on her tiny forehead. “Nico, my little guitar goddess.”

Six months later and it’s time to go touring. “We’re taking her with,” Tommy says, closing the fridge door while keeping an eye on Nico, who’s squirming around on the rug in the family room. “All we need is a Mary Poppins and we’re good to go.”

Adam frowns. “Why not a Mark Poppins?”

“Okay,” says Tommy, “an old, wrinkled Mary Poppins. Satisfied?”

Adam raises one eyebrow, unconvinced.

“Oh, fuck that,” says Tommy. “Let’s get gay-married. I’ll prove I’m a one-man man.”

“Is that a proposal?”

“Do you want it to be?”

Adam backs Tommy up until he’s pinned against the refrigerator. Adam leans in until their lips are an inch apart and breathes out quietly, “Will you marry me, Tommy Joe?”

“Time for a new experience?”

“Mmm,” agrees Adam, closing the gap and kissing Tommy softly and thoroughly, as Nico chortles happily in the other room.

And that’s how Tommy winds up moving into the master bedroom. “Oh my god,” he tells his sister later, “I fucked a boy.”


End file.
